As a parent you need to mindfully accept that children have a hard time controlling their wishes and most often they want what they desire. Hence, if we are training ourselves to be yes parents carers we need to navigate our lives better. Don't take your children to a toy shop if you are not going to buy a toy to them, don't take them to the fair, if you will not be enjoying the rides, don't take them to a candy store just to tempt them.
However sometimes when we are running errands, our little ones might be with us and it may lead to a difficult situation. We may have birthday gifts to buy for their friends, and we are already anticipating the drama. We may have grocery shopping to do, and we can visualise our toddler running around with his/her trolley. And it is totally agreed that controlling us first and our anger is really difficult. Here's where mindfulness comes in as you go about your tasks.
1. Take a deep breaths and focus on your feelings of anxiety as you go about your day.
2. Observe your feelings of frustrations or annoyance even before an incident has occurred.
3. Make sure you are well hydrated and well fed. Drink some water, juice or have a fruit. Ditto for your child. Now you are ready for the outing with your child.
4. Do not Surprise your child, give them a heads-up, 'Mummy/Daddy will be going to a toy shop to buy a toy for your friend. We can buy toy for you another day. You can, however look around and we can put the names of toys that you want on your wish list. Do we have a deal? Take a promise from them looking them in the eye, like you would from an adult. Repeat this deal a few times with a smile.
5. If your child insists on getting a toy and a tantrum follows, calm down yourself first. Now kneel down to make eye contact with your child and speak softly. Ah let's see what have you picked. what this toy can teach us? You have picked wisely, so how about putting this toy on your wish list as we discussed earlier? Remember agreed?
6. Make the interaction as authentic as possible. You valued the child's wish, you acknowledged it, bonded with the child and also reminded the child to be gracious in remembering the deal. Add the toy to the wish list so that child can see you mean it.
7. If the matter is settled good for you, but if not focus on the child and not on the other people. This is between you and your child. Smile and gently move your hands to the child's shoulder. Sip some water and then make the child sip some water too. Speak softly mama/daddy is with you and i can really see you want this toy, and its hard for you to let it go. But can we try please? I promise I am gonna buy it next time for sure. Thank you for understanding. Then make sure you buy it next time. But the child will learn to understand and accept things.
8. Stay calm and loving. This is your strength. That is also the only way you will be able to navigate situations without a blind-alley no.
9. Give yourself a pat and a chocolate or a small treat, because you did it.
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